IKEA Madness, INTO THE MYSTIC, Sex and the City and Sugar.

Hey Mighty HUMANS!

It’s a lazy, hot Sunday here in the 416…I cannot pull that off, can I?…that amount of coolness…rephrase: it’s a lazy, hot Sunday here in Toronto.
I used to do this thing on the FACEBOOK back when I was on it all the time…it’s a demon, that platform…I would find WHOLE afternoons captured and held ransom, while I looked around at how wonderful everyone else’s vacation/life/outfit/relationship was… DEMON…anyhow, back in the day, I used to make lists of things that were never long enough to write a blog about, but that I felt deserved to be written down somewhere.
So, I am gonna do that today.
Let’s all pull off our bras (it’s that time of day) and get to it.

1. I went shopping to IKEA this week…I know, step your judgement back…and it was like everyone forgot how to shop.
NO one was going the right way, which is literally THE MOST OBVIOUS THING ABOUT IKEA.
YOU FOLLOW THE MAZE, PEOPLE.
IF YOU FORGOT THE INGEBORG TEA CANDLES back in the bin beside the floral futon couches?
IT’S TOO LATE!!
YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE START OF THE RIDE.
Maybe this is only MY RULE…BUT having people flying at you willy-nilly (again, as always, THAT is the way I like to say it) with their masks under their noses, vaccinated or not, is unsettling after being NON-IKEA adjacent for so long. Just sayin’.

2. I spent a few hours writing a whole blog about Rupaul’s Drag Race…Jan…Laganja…Silky Nutmeg Ganache (I know, right? She’s awesome…and frustrating, in equal measure) and then I realized that I didn’t have any skin in the game. Why Sharron? Why? Why you care so much? Why are you so invested? And then, I remembered that I am in the middle of ALL STARS 3, the regular Season 6 after watching all of 5, as well as the new season of All Stars.
So, I have a lot going on Rupaul wise…and that creates opinions that NO ONE cares about.
Like, no one.
SO I TRASHED THE POST. I’m allowed.

3. Speaking of watching a lot of TV, I just watched all of Sex and the City again for the first time in…three months.
ALL.
Plus the two movies.
It must be the fifth time, I’m just being honest.
IT’S A PANDEMIC, PEOPLE.
AND this was even BEFORE they started filming the new season of SEX in the City withOUT Kim Catrell. Someone wrote on the internet the following in regards to her upcoming absence, and I am paraphrasing, “We all knew that somewhere, Samantha had another group of way cooler friends.”
Truth.
Here are a few things that I’ve learned from these four women, after studying this show like I’m writing a thesis on it:
A) We all seemed to love Carrie BUT Carrie, you guys, is a crap human. She just is. Think about it. Like really. Totally. Crap. Shit to Aiden. Cheated with Big in his marriage bed, stayed after the cheating sex IN THEIR HOUSE after he left, and then watched while his wife fell down a set of stairs and knocked her teeth out. Self centred. Broke Aiden’s heart…AGAIN. Shit to Big after she finally got him. Kissed Aiden in the terrible 2nd movie, after he told her he was married with three kids (Aiden kissed her back, this I know…but still) and she was married to Big. MAKE YOUR MIND UP. UGGGGGGG.
B) I have watched the series so many times, and I’m at such a pivotal point in the study of my life boundaries, that I brought up the show four times in therapy, in regards to things that I’d learned. One of the most important was this: The gals almost NEVER took on one another’s crap, or felt responsible for the other’s bad mood. Never. They had pretty awesome boundaries that way. It was a bit of a revelation.
When I brought this point up to my therapist, she nodded and just kept writing on her IPAD.
I’m sure it will come up later, in a way that will make me wish I had said nothing.
C) We all think we are a Carrie, but we are probably a Miranda, assuredly with less money.
D) Samantha is awesome. She is. She said these words twice in the series and they are words to live by, “I love you, but I love me more.” I mean.
E) Charlotte? Ended up marrying a man that she told was lucky to be with her, because he was not as good looking as she. Girl.
F) ALL this being said, I will watch the upcoming series 100 times. I’m in periomenpause. I need some vices.

4. Going off sugar makes fruit taste really good, and makes you hate people that eat sugar. FYI, I am doing this for perimenopausal reasons…sugar is not a vice I can take anymore. It FUCKS you up, people. So, I will stick to SATC. (Sex and the City…so you don’t have to google it, because you also have periomenopause and already forgot what I just wrote and you just read)

5. I wrote this on the Twitter but am tapping back, without shame. Am I the only one that eats cherries and pretends they are in The Witches of Eastwick? Just me?

6. This week, I feel so comfortable with my trainer that I started talking to him like he’s a gal pal, and I have to say? He pivoted like a boss. He responded in all the correct ways, made the right sounds and asked the good follow up questions. Maybe the pandemic has made some experiences better, right?

7. I put on make up so rarely, that I always feel like I should take a picture just in case.
In case of what, no one knows.
I am lying.
Totally, lying.
I know.
I know why.
I want to have pictures just in case I want to update my profile picture on the dating apps so I don’t look like that person who has been on a dating app, on and off, on and off, hard on and hard off, for almost three years.
YES, I SAID IT.
When the light is good and you have make up on, make hay, Matthews.

 

8. Last week, I spent almost 45 minutes trying to figure out the best way to approach the getting-on-board of a blow up, pink flamingo floatie. If you can do anything in your 50’s, it’s let go of your dignity in exchange for a few sweet hours on the waves. Who gives a shit if your boob pops out?
You heard me.

9. Last Friday, I was driving to get my 1000th covid test of the last twelve months, and INTO THE MYSTIC came on the Spotify.
I was taken back in spiritual time to the first three months after my marriage ended, and I had to do the INTO THE MYSTIC test, to see if I could leave the house.
This is the test:

If I listened to INTO THE MYSTIC, and didn’t burst into tears, I could go out into the world.

If I listened to INTO THE MYSTIC, and DID burst into tears…I had to do some writing, breathing and meditating before I entered the land of the living.

It really worked.
These are times that I am glad have passed me by.
What a shit show.
Props and love to anyone out there who is going through IT.…especially during this garbage fire.
You got this. Hold on.

We were born before the wind
Also, younger than the sun
‘Ere the bonnie boat was won
As we sailed into the mystic – Van Morrison

10. Watch Loki. Please watch Loki. Why can’t you watch Loki? Watch Loki so we can all talk about it, please. (Originally by Greg Goddamnit)

11. This picture came up in my Memories today.
Oh, theatre school.

10. It’s halfway thru summer 2021, everyone. MAKE PLANS. DO THINGS. DO THEM SAFELY…BUT DO THINGS!!! YOU DESERVE IT!! (Pink Flamingo Floatie…just saying) GO OUT AND BE AWESOME!!

Thanks for reading along.
I hope your summer is everything you hoped it would be!!
If not? There is still time. : )

Namaste!!!

July 18th, 2021 – S.M.
Toronto, ON