Lotions and Potions and APARTMENTS…and Love.

A couple of months ago, just after I started work for the summer, I came home after a long day, turned on the lights, looked around and realized that my apartment…
…I love calling it an apartment like they do in NY, even when it’s a condo, so I’m going with that….
…I realized that my APARTMENT was almost finished…there was nothing I needed to buy or find to make it warmer.
It was done.
I promised myself, back when I sold my house, I would only sell my house, if I made my APARTMENT as awesome as my house…and you know what?

It’s even BETTER.

It’s ALL mine.

Every corner, every stick of furniture that I bought or found, every book that I unearthed from my storage space that I cleaned out earlier this year (thanks to Micah for helping with the books) every knick knack or precious thing that I weighed the importance of, everything was chosen with care by me, to surround my days and nights.
What is more perfect and “done” than that?
If I sit quietly on my couch, in the mid afternoon, and let my eyes roam over my home…I smile.
My heart is full. Just fucking full.

A couple of nights ago, I closed down my APARTMENT for the night…blinds pulled, dishes washed, lights off, things put away, a clean slate – just the way I like it…and slid into my beautiful soft sheets that I change every Sunday (thanks Kim for that reminder), I pulled up the duvet to my waist, turned and put on a couple rolls of STRESS RELEASE from Saje, my NUXE lip balm, and finally, my favourite thing, my beautiful AESOP hand cream that Rebecca Liddiard bought for me as a gift, that I simply cannot give up…and reorder when it runs out.
I’m a gal who has had excema her whole life, and as a result, have the kind of hands that look dry all the time, this cream makes my hands feel soft and look lovely…not dry at all. New. Almost new.
As I rubbed my hands together to work the cream in, snuggled down into the middle of my bed, with all the wonderful smells surrounding me, I realized I was radically self caring…myself.

I could finally breathe.
Really and truly breathe.
And it was nice.
And I found that I was taking myself further, inside that nice feeling, into my comfy bed, with my bedside tray filled with things…my lipbalm, my roller and my hand cream.
That was also VERY nice.
I was taking that feeling into my daily meditations, into the forest with me, on my hikes. I was taking it on the path with me, on my bike.
I did NOT mean to rhyme that…but, sure, awesome.

And in the next day or so, one of the make up professionals at work complemented my skin, asking me what my skin care regime was.
I laughed, blushed a bit and told him that up until about a year ago, it was Dove soap and Aveeno…but I had splurged on some more expensive face cream just last year, but used it very sparingly.
He paused and said to me as kindly as possible, “You know, now is the time to really take care of that skin, for the future. For yourself. It’s worth it. Take care of yourself. You will feel so good about it!”
And he smiled, and then went about the work of making me look absolutely terrible…as was his job.
LOL.
Truly, LOL.
We talked about things that would be good for my skin, and he told me that he would get some samples for me by the end of the day, AS he made me look terrible, so it wasn’t quite so bad, really.
It felt…kinda exciting.

Huh.
Hmm.

I have never bought things like that for myself.
Never.
Never ever.
It seemed…almost too much.

But then…I found myself, every few days, going to the fancy skin care side of Shoppers Drug Mart (that is always how I think of it) and asking about, and for, all the things he suggested.
The woman who worked the counter has come to know me quite well.
But I was still a bit gun shy.
I didn’t buy everything at once…I did it slowly…and every time I checked out, the woman who worked the counter threw gobs of samples in the bag, with strict instructions on how to use them AFTER I showed up one day and simply said, “Tell what the heck toner is for! I just…I just don’t get it.”… and THEN she knew I needed some guidance.

Every time I come home with my special bag filled with special things, I sit at my counter and unbox everything, and read the instructions, and then line the new bottle or tube up with my other treasures, in my big medicine cabinet.

Sidebar:
I FUCKING LOVE MY MEDICINE CABINET. I LOVE THAT IT’S ONLY MY STUFF IN THERE. I SAID IT. IT’S BRIMMING WITH CARE AT ALL TIMES…JUST FUCKING BRIMMING. SOMETIMES I JUST OPEN IT, TO LOOK AT IT.
YOU HAVE YOUR VICES AND I HAVE MINE. JUDGE AT WILL. I HAVE NARY A CARE.
END OF SIDEBAR

At night, when I do my new skincare routine, I take my time…I go slow…I enjoy the ritual.
There is something very delicious in the execution of it all.
It’s…well, it’s special.
It’s just FUCKING DELIGHTFUL.
Though my skin is indeed good on my face (even though it’s way better now, my face was always the only place excema did not touch in my youth)…it’s never been this good.
It’s still dewy WHEN I WAKE UP.
WHEN I WAKE UP!!

And THIS is when I really realized that I’m JUST really getting to know myself as a woman, and learning what I like and want…from a place of thriving…and not simply surviving.
I know and am confident in who I am as a performer…though I always open for/to more.
I know who I am as a friend…though I am always trying to learn to be a better one…to others AND myself.
But, I’m just now learning what I like as a woman.
What a thing, huh?
I guess it’s never too late to try and find out anything about yourself and the world, you guys.
And as hard as it is to admit that I am thriving…and it is indeed hard to admit, because I have been trained throughout my life time that shoes drop when one pronounces their happiness…I decided to look past the specter of shoes falling…I want to admit it… I want to embrace it…I want to scream it to no one in particular…because I want to own my abundance…and throw open the windows and doors for more!
I have lived in scarcity for far too long.
I know…that was all biblical…but, it’s true, as true can be.

And this is NOT about buying expensive things, or replacing people with things, or medicating yourself with possessions.
This is about getting quiet, and listening to, and then watering, your spirit…with walks, with books, with kisses, with soft blankets, with plants, with friends, with music, with stories, with baths, with candles, with road trips, with sand between your toes, with adventure, with napping, with (insert your discovered dreams and wishes here)…there are SO many things to discover about what you like and don’t like.
So many.

Last night, just before I closed my wonderful medicine cabinet, after I finished my new nightly ritual, as I looked at the lotions and potions, all in a row, I had a second of pause…this simple row of things made me wonder if I was being conceited…or too fancy…and then I thought, “Do this nice thing for yourself…continue to do this nice thing for yourself…take the time and space and figure out what the fuck you like. What makes you feel good. Take it…no one else is going to give it to you. You have to GIVE it to yourself. ”

BOOM.
And then this thought rolled through my head…quick as lightening:

This row of lotions and potions are a beginning. They are a guide. They are always where you leave them, you know where they are when you’re gone, the bottles live in a simple and honest truth that just is, you know how much it all costs you (no hidden sticker price) and can be depended upon and trusted to make you feel really good and bring you joy, and never bring you pain…never…which is more than you can ever say about anyone who you let take up real estate in your medicine cabinet. It’s good you made the space for yourself, and the lotions and potions, Sharron. It’s about fucking time.

And I laughed.
I laughed so loud, in my sweet APARTMENT, that’s filled with joy.
It’s a start, right?
It sure is.

Namaste.

Sorry to double dip on the blog this week…but I was inspired.

S.M.
July 21st, 2021
Toronto, ON.

If you wanna subscribe, fill out the box below! I would love to have you along for this weird and wild ride.