Say Yes…But Mind Your Back, People : An Ode to Gina

“Aunt Sharron, have you ever thought about doing a mud obstacle course”

I stared at the text for about a minute.
Well, of course I had.
Most people have, right? We’ve thought about it, right?…considered it…weighed the pros and cons?
We’ve all seen socials showing a bunch of our very capable friends…smiling…covered in mud…crossing a finish line.
They look like they’re living their VERY BEST lives.
Then, if we do a little research, we discover what they have to do to GET to that mud covered finish…and it’s no GD joke.
These kinds of events have been going on for years and are based on MILITARY TRAINING.

Let me say it again for the people in the back….MILITARY TRAININGGGGGGGG.

Who ELSE WOULD CRAWL THROUGH MUD ON PURPOSE!?!?!

But still, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I look at those pictures and wonder, CAN I DO THAT?

I’m still staring at the text from my niece, Gina and as I do the three dots start to pulse, then a link appears titled MUD GIRL.

MUD GIRL? The title seems pandering, but I click it anyhow.
Huh.

My niece Gina never asks for anything.
She was born when I was thirteen years old, so we are very close in age…and she’s always been a very special person in my life.
When she was a baby, I changed her poopy baby ass, so obviously we’re bonded for life.
Don’t tell her I said that.
She is the ultimate gift giver and the most thoughtful of people.
When I’m sick, she checks in with me every day.
I’ve cried with her in frustration about a number of things…some of them not worth crying over, but she never judged me.
When my marriage ended, she was right there for me.
About a year into my solo life, I told her that I was a bit worried about what would happen when I got old…but I didn’t want that worry to influence my dating choices.
I didn’t want to settle ever again, and if that kept me single, so be it.
Instead of saying, “Oh Aunt Sharron, you’ll meet someone.”, she said, “Aunt Sharron, you do you. I promise you as long as I live, you’ll never end up in a home…I got you”.
Which is one of the fucking nicest things ANYONE has ever said to me.
She also once told me…as I sat beside her in an expensive and wonderful seat she gifted me for a Chris Stapleton concert…that if I happened to fall in love with some crazy wonderful musician and ended up stranded in Tennessee, she was saving her AEROPLAN points to come and save me.
AND THAT, people, is the second nicest thing ANYONE has EVER said to me.

With all that in mind, I watched a bit of the MUD GIRL promo video.
I so wanted to say yes, but I had a worry…and I texted Gina about it.

“My love, I’ve just gotten my back into a good place…I don’t want to fuck it up…and this looks like it might be hard on it. I’m sorry, I think I have to say no.”

She wrote back that she understood.
Then my ever studious niece did some research of her own…she interviewed a number of people who’d done it.
The next day she texted me again.

“Aunt Sharron, I talked to a couple of women who did the course and they told me that you can opt out of any obstacle. They also told me that senior citizens do it.”

How very dare she.

“…NOT THAT YOU’RE A SENIOR CITIZEN!”

Again, Gina never asks for ANYTHING.
And now she’d asked me twice…and invoked the words SENIOR CITIZEN.
I got out my credit card and signed up.
When I told her I was coming, she was excited…AND she’d already signed up to do it…alone.
What a warrior.

As it got closer and closer to the date, I got more and more nervous.
I’d looked at literally NONE of the info, had no idea where it was taking place, was unsure of what I needed…I was in denial, basically.
But I need not have worried, because Gina had ALL the information, watched ALL the videos, and gave me ALL the details I needed.
I remained nervous but would never flake…but a healthy back is not to be fucked with.
If you know…you know.

This morning, I got up and stretched, took Jo on a healthy warm up walk, loaded up my car with everything Gina told me to bring and drove an hour and a half to Uxbridge.
When I got to the event parking, I voice texted Gina that I’d never find her in this mass of people that was the pink sports version of Lilith Fair.
Mothers, daughters, friends, and humans of every description were milling around by the hundreds, either covered in mud and jubilant OR pristine and determined.

Gina and I somehow found each other in the melee of people, put most of our stuff in my trunk because I’d snuck into a very convenient parking spot, and admitted that we were both very nervous…and we were also pretty pristine AND determined.

“I always wondered if I could do one of these things Aunt Sharron …and I realized that I would never know if I didn’t try. I’m so glad you said yes. ”

“I’m so glad you asked me to do this with you, Bean! We’re gonna take our time and have fun, yeah? I think we should at least try every obstacle but I think there’s no shame in not doing one or backing out. If it looks at all like it will fuck up my back, I won’t do it…but you can do it if you want. Cool?”

“Cool.”

Oh, I’ve called Gina “BEAN” since the day she was born. It’s the short form of Gina Beana Bumbalina.
Please don’t tell her I told you that either.

We went to look at the starting line…which was also very near the finish line…which also held the last obstacle…which was this…

My stomach flipped a bit.
No matter how good of shape I’m in…and I’m really proud of my fitness…I always fight the story of being a forever fat kid.
This really challenging looking obstacle was right in front of everyone who was watching the finish line.
Everyone was watching everyone attempt this obstacle, which is one of my minor nightmares.
Fucking ug.
I decided to not think about it till I needed to, that would be a later problem.
Gina also looked at it with reverence.

“Maybe by the time we get to the end, Bean, it won’t seem so scary…right?”

“Right. We’ll worry about this later.”

She pointed at the obstacle with ferocity.

“THAT is a later problem!”

We MUST be related.
The woman were lined up in droves at the starting line, with a dude…A DUDE…hyping them up. I made the decision to not focus on the fact that a dude was starting this race for us.
Instead I put all my focus on the women waiting to go.
They were all so excited and it was such a singular kind of sports event that I didn’t think I’d ever get to do…I got all choked up.

“Fuck, Bean. I’m gonna cry.”

“Oh my gosh…”

And she hugged me.

“I get a little overwhelmed at things like this…I don’t really know why.”

“This is a big fucking deal. Makes sense to me, Aunt Sharron. ”

We joined the line up, and waited our turn to start.
The hype man hyped us, blew a horn…and about fifty women ran past us, as Bean and I took off at a steady walk.
Our.
Own.
Way.

It was not easy.
It’s 5k with seventeen obstacles, on a hilly course that’s probably a cross country skiing path in the winter.
And there was this…

And this…

And THIS is way harder than the picture would lead you to believe…it was a one way trip to a broken ankle as far as I could tell…Gina crawled across it while I walked it but went slow as molasses…

Then this started to happen…

 

…then we got to a particularly slippery looking mud mountain…

…and a dude was standing outside of the race tape, watching all the women go by, but the time Gina and I arrived, there were no women in the mud pond in front of the mud mountain,  so we had no idea how deep it was. We yelled out to some women who were just past it at a water station, asking how deep it was.

The dude piped up, “It’s about thigh high…and very slippery…VERY slippery…you ladies will want to be careful.”

No one asked you, sir. Keep standing there doing nothing, please.

We proceeded cautiously.
Gina and I had already come up with a system of holding hands and letting one person check the depth, while the other kept you steady, then the second person would get in, helped by the first.
But we were still sliding a lot, and by the time we got to the other side…this dude was laughing…and telling us again and again to be careful.
Now, anyone who knows me, knows I’m my best/worst at moments like this.
I got to the end of the obstacle and Gina was almost there…and he started to talk again with a laugh in his voice about being careful…and I could not stop myself.
I put my hands on my hips, shook my head, wagged my finger…and in my best I’M JOKING BUT NOT JOKING VOICE I said…

“You sideline laughing motherfucker…mind your business.”

Now, I didn’t mean to say motherfucker…it just popped out…I pitched the FUCKER part low in my voice because it even surprised me.
He had no choice BUT to laugh, so I laughed too.
Then Bean and I got some fucking water.

There’s nothing like being mansplained a mud hill in a race that claims it’s an OBSTACLE RACE DEDICATED TO WOMEN…when women have to surmount obstacles like this DB every damned DAY!
We decided that HE was the eighteenth obstacle.

Gina and I did EVERY obstacle and every hill.
EVERY ONE.
It was advertised at a 5K but my fit bit counted it as an 8km and change event.
But I have to tell you, my favourite part of this whole day, was spending time with Gina.
While we walked between obstacles Gina and I caught up on our lives, talking about life, about our family, about things we’re doing and things we wanna do.
We talked about how we’re both a bit gun shy of starting things and transitions during things…but how we each manage to try things like the thing we were presently trying.
We both talked about the fact that we were worried that we would not be able to do this course…and here we were just doing it.
The sun was out, the wind was blowing, there were lovely walking breaks in the forest…my favourite thing…and at one point Bean and I were literally swimming through mud.

“You know Bean, this is two day old mud that’s filled with the sweat, tears…and possibly urine…of a couple of thousand women…and I accidentally just swallowed some. When I get COVID in three days, it will all make sense.”

And god bless Bean, she laughed at all my stupid jokes…and I made a lot of them.

One of our biggest wins was that we didn’t lose our shoes in the mud…many women did.
A dude manning a mud pit asked us if we needed any sneakers, and pointed to a pile of about twenty.
God bless the women who finished that course shoeless. Or worse, one foot shoeless.

Then suddenly, we were at that fucking last obstacle…the Cargo Mountain.
By this time, Bean and I had become good at working smarter, not harder.
I saw a woman go up at the side, where there was a rail, and you could literally…if you weren’t too afraid of heights…walks across the top if you kept an eye on your feet.
It was not easy…but we were highly capable…and we helped and encouraged each other to get to the other side.
Then we ran across the effing finish line together.
Me and My Bean…forty two years after I watched her come into this world.

We were both pretty proud of ourselves, but the thing I hold closest to my heart, is that she asked me…twice.

I’m sad that it’s over.
I called my sister…Gina’s mom…and told her about the day like I was about twelve years old.
She kept repeating how happy she was that we did the day, together.
Gina had already called her and told her all the same stories…but my sister listened to them again with joy.

What a fucking day.

Say yes.
I’m going to KEEP saying yes…but I’m old enough to know that I need to mind my fucking back when I do.
Yes is the gateway drug to amazing core memories.
RUN.
YOUR.
OWN.
RACE.

AND WE GOT MEDALS!!! What’s better than a medal!?!?

Here is what it really looked like.
That net thing was an MFer.